I hope

Therapy homework…

So I saw my therapist today, and she gave me homework. I’m supposed to comprise a list of options I’m interested in, assuming I never get pregnant.

This could be so easy for me… except I hate even thinking about it. I don’t want to put any time into this, because I don’t like to entertain the idea that I might have to give up my dream of being a mother.

But the reality check is I’ll be 32 soon. Not ‘old’ by normal parameters, but when you consider my defective ovaries, my time frame isn’t the same as a “normal” woman’s. I’m getting to the point, where I think maybe it’s time to decide… how long do I want to try before I surrender and say “enough” and go on to something else? Especially since going back to school will take time, too…

So, I think I will plan on 2009 being the cut off. I don’t know if I’ll go for schools in January ‘09 or August ‘09; but sometime in that year, if I’m not pregnant, I will aim to be back in school. Obviously, I can always decide I’ve had enough before that, and maybe when application deadlines come up for Spring/Winter admission in 2009, I won’t feel ready to give up trying yet… but having a plan makes me feel better, so that’s where I am at with that. Now I have to decide what I want to go back to school for. Easier said than done… I have a wide variety of interests, but Clara’s specific instructions to me where to come up with a list as though I could have any career I wanted. Now, I don’t think she means I should go so far as to say “professional figure skater.” I just think she means I shouldn’t limit myself based on previous education/experience in a more realistic realm - so like doctor, which I would ordinarily take out of the mix, because it would just require SO much education… but it is an interest, so maybe it should be on the list (fyi, I’m interested in research, not human patients).

So, that’s my assignment for the week. I am not sure at all what I want… so I’ll give it some thought, and move on from there.